


it's a hard knob life

by tinypi



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fake AH Crew, GTA AU, M/M, dumb hollywood action stunts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 11:16:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3118175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinypi/pseuds/tinypi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a new asshole in town and Geoff needs to show him what's what, so the crew decides to wreck his shit. Things go wrong and Gavin and Ryan find out pragmatism sometimes comes with interesting benefits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's a hard knob life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vulpesvortex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulpesvortex/gifts).



> After dragging [Beren](http://foxesonstilts.tumblr.com) so far and fast into the fandom that she fucking started drawing [AMAZING AS SHIT FANART](http://foxesonstilts.tumblr.com/post/107036431057/ryan-and-gavin-getting-the-fuck-out-of-dodge), it only felt right that I should then write something for said fanart. Many thanks to her beta services as well. Edit: Now with even [MORE ART](http://foxesonstilts.tumblr.com/post/107561513687/it-is-4am-and-apparently-the-motorcycle-muse-has)!!
> 
> Title joke also provided by Beren.
> 
> Beren's review of this fanfic: "HAHAHAHAHAH THIS IS SO FUCKING PERFECT OMG I DON’T EVEN HAVE WORDS I AM LAUGHING I WILL BE LAUGHING ABOUT THIS THREE YEARS FROM NOW I AM SO PROUD TO BE A PART OF THIS you are fucking amazing jesus christ put this fucking thing on the internet THE PEOPLE DESERVE TO KNOW"

"Alright everybody, what's your status?" Geoff asked as Michael brushed by behind him, neither of them giving any indication of knowing one another.

"I've got eyes on the whole place," murmured Ray.

"Exactly where you wanted me to be."

"Thanks, Jack. Ryan, Gav?"

"We're here. Let's start," whispered Ryan, Gavin huddled close to his side in their hiding spot.

"And we are a go in three, two, one-"

 

\-----

 

"What's up with him?" Ray threw himself on the couch next to Jack, who had been watching Geoff pace across the room and snarl into the mobile pressed to his ear for a good five minutes. "Someone fuck something up?"

"Not one of our own crew. He's really angry." Geoff punched the wall to support Jack's statement just as Ryan walked by, pausing when he saw Geoff's agitated state and returning to the two others to claim the last armchair for himself.

"I guess we're waiting?" He signaled Michael, who appeared to be working on some form of sandwich in the kitchen, to join them. Michael grabbed his plate in one hand, Gavin's sleeve in the other, and brought both to the couch, Ray lazily shifting around to give them some place.

It took three more minutes for Geoff to hang up with a very loud and very annoyed sigh, less than gently throwing his phone on a nearby table. He turned around and was surprised into a smirk when he found his five most-trusted crew members calmly waiting for him to explain the situation.

"What's the sitch, boss?" Michael asked first, Ray quietly humming the appropriate jingle.

"This little shit thinks he's gonna make a name for himself in this city- in our city. Nothing big so far, robbed a few places, injured a few people, but last night some of his guys beat up Caleb and this is where I'm gonna draw the fucking line. We're taking this Dick down."

"Ooh, capital D," Gavin whispered to a snort from Michael.

"Damn right it is."

"Caleb gonna be okay?"

"He'll be on crutches for a bit, but he'll be fine. Now," Geoff walked across the room to a large cupboard, pulling out a rolled up map of the downtown area of the city and spreading it over the couch table between them, "as any good crime boss would have, I've been keeping an eye on Dick ever since he pulled his first robbery. The girls have been casing the area and I've got a pretty solid idea of his locations and what he thinks is his fucking territory or whatever, but what I need is to get into his computers and get info on his men and any expansion plans he might have.”

He looked around the group, stopping on Jack, who simply smiled. "I assume you've got a plan already?"

"Fuck yeah. Here's how we'll do it." 

He pulled out a green and black marker, uncapping the latter, and circled a building in the middle of the map. "This store is right on the edge of Dick's territory. Michael," he pointed to him with the end of the marker, "you and I are gonna go in and rob the place. Cause a ruckus, shoot some walls, take some money, whatever. Ray," he drew a small black X on a building across from the store," I need you to have our backs, so you'll be on the roof with your rifle. Soon as people start showing up you hold them off of us until we can make our way to Jack, who'll be parked in a nearby alley as our getaway driver. A random car might be less conspicuous but that's the opposite of what we want, so I'm thinking we'll get Michael’s beautiful crew car out for this one, just for that nice 'Fuck you' feeling. Got that?"

Several nods came from around the table. Gavin and Ryan exchanged a look. "So... what do we do?"

 

\-----

 

With a resonating crack, the window shattered and the bullet of a sniper rifle drove itself into the wooden counter.

The store clerk jumped back with a startled shout and Geoff and Michael pulled out their guns on opposite ends of the store.

“Alright dickheads, this is a robbery! Everybody down on the ground!” Geoff shouted as Michael shot a hole into the wall next to a frozen customer, who quickly flopped down onto the floor.

“I want everyone’s wallets and valuables. Come on, people, I don’t have all damn day! And you,” Geoff waved his gun at the clerk, making the already pale man turn even whiter, “empty the register. Put it in a bag.”

Collecting whatever money and phones the three customers had on them was, of course, a rookie mistake. You didn’t have to be a seasoned criminal to know that nobody brought anything valuable on a grocery run at 4 am, and Geoff’s crew had been in this business for quite some time now. In a normal store robbery, you went in, got the money, and got out again in under one minute.

If your aim, however, was actually distracting a rival crew from two of your men currently side by side between two dumpsters in a dirty alleyway, taking as much time as you could was the way to go.

Geoff calmly watched the clerk fumble with the register, picking some bills out himself to leisurely count through them. Michael was looking through a wallet a few feet from him. Through his earpiece, he could hear Jack tapping a rhythm on the Roosevelt’s steering wheel, Ray whistling beneath his breath and quiet words being mumbled between Gavin and Ryan.

 

\-----

 

"You kids," Geoff smirked, "get the important part. Dick's still pretty new so he's gonna be hellbent on defending that store and proving himself to the fucking community of crime or whatever."

"Oh, you mean the baddie biz?" Ray inquired, getting an eyeroll from Geoff and snorts of laughter from the others.

"No, no, the dead-dudes deal," Michael added.

"The... trade of transgression?" Jack, to everyone's surprise, spoke up next, earning another row of laughter.

"The friends of felonies!" Gavin piped up, Michael and Ray snickering as Jack groaned with a smile on his face.

"Guys, please."

"Thank you, Ryan," Geoff sighed as the deep voice effectively shut the others up.

"The phrase you're looking for is obviously 'establishment of evil'."

"Alright assholes." Geoff stared each of them down until they stopped laughing. "So Dick wants to get big with the," a sigh, "men of misdeeds."

"Boo, sexist,"  Ray called through the ensuing snickers and earned himself a marker cap hurled towards his forehead.

"It's important for Dick not to lose face this early on, so he's gonna have a fuckton of guys showing up at that place. Guys that will then no longer be at this place." Uncapping the green marker, he circled a building a few miles south of the store.

"That's Dick's headquarters. Ryan, Gav, this is where you'll be at. You'll take Ryan's bike and stash it in an alley you can easily get to if you have to make a quick escape. This alley right next to it has a bunch of dumpsters you can hide behind; the actual entrance is at the back of the building. I need you two to hide, wait for us to start the robbery and then wait until most of the men inside will rush out and leave to defend the store. Then you break in. According to Lindsay his tech guys must have set up in either the basement or the second floor, so chances are you're gonna have to split up. If possible, go for stealth rather than outright and loud fighting. Pull as much information as you can and then fucking haul ass out of there, we'll all shake any tails we have and then meet up back at the garage. Any questions?"

"Bevs afterwards?"

"Well what the fuck did you think we'd do?" Geoff smirked at Gavin. "Store's open 24/7 so we'll go for it tomorrow at 4am. Gav, get the earpieces ready and all of you check on your ammo and weapons and get some sleep, assholes."

 

\-----

 

Listening to the low cracks of Ray’s rifle and, less than a second later, the store window breaking, Ryan and Gavin pressed their backs against the brick wall, huddled close together between two dumpsters. Presumably, most of Dick’s people currently in the building would soon run past them towards the robbery and provide enough time for them to break into the guy’s headquarters.

“Ryan?” Gavin asked in a low voice.

“Yeah?”

“What was the riskiest getaway you’ve ever had to pull?”

Gavin could see his eyes scrunch slightly, the only indication of Ryan giving his question actual thought that he could see with the mask hiding the man’s face. He used to be afraid of both the mask and the man himself, but over time he had realized that Ryan was a big nerd with a tendency for murder and they’d quickly warmed up to each other.

“Hmm… probably the one where I had to ramp it across a river.”

“That’s not that bad.” Gavin tilted his head slightly. “Depends on the river I guess.”

“It wasn’t, until it started raining so hard on the day of the heist that the riverbed was completely flooded and there was a good inch of water on the streets. Slid a bit too far, didn’t exactly make the ramp, the car did a full 360 and landed mostly in the water instead of the other side of the river.”

Gavin’s eyebrows climbed up his forehead. “So?”

“I got wet.”

“You knob,” Gavin said, disbelieving.

A huff of laughter. “At least I’m not the one wearing sunglasses at night.” Ryan raised a hand to push said glasses further up Gavin’s nose. “This isn’t a procedural cop show, you know.”

“Shut up.” He swatted Ryan’s hand away. “They make me look cool.”

“Whatever you say, Gavin.”

“Hey, you-” Gavin quickly broke off his retort as they heard footsteps and voices rounding the corner. Ryan quietly pulled Gavin closer towards him, hiding the younger man’s face against his leather-clad shoulder. It wouldn’t do for the plan to fall apart just because someone rushing by happened to get a glance of a white face in the dark.

More people passed by and they listened to two car engines roaring to life, several doors opening and closing as Gavin’s damp breath hit Ryan’s neck.

After a few short seconds the cars pulled away, leaving them in silence once more.

“Dick’s people are on their way to you now. Gavin and I are going in.” Ryan raised his voice slightly so the others would be able to pick it up on their earpieces.

“Keep us updated if you can and don’t take too many risks,” Jack’s voice answered them and Ryan gave a low chuckle in reply.

“Whatever risks could you possibly mean?”

Gavin grinned up at him, turning around to slip out of their hiding spot. Ryan followed him to the door on the backside, giving the building a quick once-over as Gavin picked the lock within seconds, carefully checking the hallway for any immediate threats.

“I don’t think we’ve got a lot of time so let’s split up,” Ryan whispered next to Gavin. “You take basement and I’ll go up. Whoever comes up empty goes to cover the other.”

“Sounds like a plan.” They both drew their guns and crept towards the stairs, Gavin blowing Ryan an exaggerated kiss as they parted into different directions.

The basement, as Gavin quickly discovered, was luckily completely devoid of people, but also annoyingly devoid of any sort of computer equipment. There was a room with various crates full of edibles, cans, bottles of water and a smaller stash of alcohol. He took one of the tiny bottles of Jack Daniel’s for Geoff. A second room seemed to house nothing but a large fuse box mounted onto the wall and the last room revealed the crew’s gun and ammunition supply. If Gavin had more time he would’ve happily taken apart every weapon in the room to mix all the parts into one big heap, but since helping Ryan was a priority right now he resisted the temptation.

He was about to inform Ryan that the basement was empty and he was heading back up, when the loud and sudden noise of gunshots came through his earpiece. For a split second he was convinced that Ryan had been discovered and was getting shot at, but then Geoff’s loud laughter accompanied by squealing tires rang in his ear.

“Ray, get down, we’ll pick you up one street over!” Michael shouted over the continuous machine gun blasts, laughter, and the sound of what seemed to be the beginnings of a car chase.

Gavin huffed, the only way Ryan would be able to hear him over the noise now would be for Gavin to shout as well, and he didn’t dare risk alerting anyone in the building to his presence.

He quietly made his way up the stairs again. He’d just hit the first floor when he heard it: two people talking to each other and walking somewhere ahead of him. Peeking around the corner, he could see two men about the same age as him, heading towards the stairs to the second floor.

_Bollocks._

Ryan had obviously not been discovered so far, so chances were he was working on the computers on the second floor. He was a decent hacker, but Gavin didn’t know how much longer the other man might need. If he was discovered now and the other crew managed to call more people in they might not get anything out of this heist at all.

In a split-second decision, he took two steps forward and opened fire.

One of the guys received a bullet clean through the shoulder, but the second one ducked away in time and the bullet that had been headed for his gut only managed to graze his arm. They both pulled their own guns just as three more people ran into the hallway from a door on Gavin’s right.

“LEG IIIT!” With a loud shout he jumped back towards the stairs and ran down just as bullets started hitting the wall behind him. Confident that everyone in the building was now preoccupied with going after him instead of checking on the computers, he raced down the stairs, taking several steps at a time, bullets, shouts, and footsteps following directly behind him.

A few concerned shouts of “Gavin?” came through his earpiece as the other team had apparently caught on to the second firefight going on. Turning a corner on the stairs and blindly shooting a few bullets behind him, he reassured everyone with a few hastily shouted words.

“Fine! Drawing people!” He trusted Ryan to understand that he was trying to give him more time and crashed through the door on the ground floor as a fist collided with the side of his face and Gavin’s world exploded into stars.

He kept his wits about him just enough to fire a shot into the direction the fist had come from, then stumbled into the opposite wall with a grunt. Shaking his head and amazed that his sunglasses had stayed on, he tapped the earpiece, but after a few seconds of screeching the feed had gone dead silent. Gavin became very aware of the footsteps crashing down the stairs behind him, so he resumed his sprint, stashing the broken piece of technology in his trousers just as he hit the outside.

He raced past the dumpsters that had previously hid them and made to run to where the bike was stashed. If Ryan got out of the building as undetected as they got in he should have no problem making his way on foot for a bit until either Gavin or the others could pick him up.

No such luck. Bullets whizzed by him, hitting the ground and the brick wall to his left and forcing him to turn right, away from the bike. He skidded into the next alley, throwing garbage cans over behind him and firing blindly as some of the men rounded the corner. To Gavin’s confusion, only two of the at least five men seemed to be following him now and for a moment he was concerned that they somehow knew Ryan was still back at the building.

The sound of a car starting and a bike being revved made him groan.

“You’ve got to be bloody kidding me,” Gavin huffed under his breath. On foot, he might have had a chance if he lead them in and out of alleyways all over the block and tried to pick them off one after the other. The car, however, could circle the block and pick him off if he tried to make a break for it and the bike would easily be able to follow him through the alleys at a much faster pace than his legs could carry him.

He made to circle round and get back to Ryan’s bike, but the men seemed to have caught on to him trying to go for that direction and expertly forced him to go the other way. Gavin went through another alleyway and ended up back on the open street.

The car skidded around the corner and he managed to dive to the side in the last second, rolling into the middle of the street and sitting up in a crouch to take aim at the car’s tires. The bike wasn’t nearby at the moment, but Gavin had forgotten about the men on foot.

He grunted in pain as a bullet grazed his palm and he dropped the weapon. He tried to pick it up as he rolled out of the way and between two parked cars, but a second flash of pain as another bullet grazed his left thigh made him lose his grip on the gun. Gavin could hear the bike approaching again, so he raced towards the nearest alley, running straight through to the next street over, where he immediately saw the car turn the corner.

“Bloody hell!” He legged it another two alleys over, but the feeling that the guys were starting to just treat this like a game of cat and mouse grew bigger and bigger as he hit a street again and heard the bike draw dangerously close to his position.

He took off again, but it was no use. As he watched, the bike pulled up next to him and the driver raised a gun, a smirk on his face. There was no place to dodge to and with less than four feet between them there wasn't a chance in hell he was going to miss and _no, shit, no, no, no-_

Time slowed down. The driver took aim in slow motion and Gavin couldn’t look away, almost fascinated by his own imminent and very painful death.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a second bike appeared between Gavin and his would-be killer and Gavin watched as Ryan, _beautiful, murderous Ryan,_ punched the guy straight off his bike and braked hard next to Gavin.

“Get the fuck on, Gavin!” He shouted and Gavin happily complied, jumping onto the back.

He wrapped his arms safely around Ryan’s waist, taking a moment to simply bury his face in the other’s shoulder and breathe in the oddly comforting smell of leather because _holy shit he almost died just now_.

“I’ve got him. He’s good. Gav?” It took him a moment to figure out that Ryan was reassuring the others of Gavin’s safety. It hadn’t occurred to him at the time, but witnessing a sudden and very unplanned gunfight from his end of the feed only for it to cut off completely a few moments later must have had the others pretty fucking worried.

“Yeah, I’m here. I’m fine!” He shouted, leaning towards the ear he knew Ryan’s earpiece to be in. He couldn’t hear the others’ reaction, but he very well felt Ryan take one hand off of the bike’s handles to grip onto his arm for a second, stroking a gloved thumb across the bare skin of his forearm before he concentrated on driving once more.

Gavin gave in to the urge to nuzzle into Ryan’s neck for a moment, when suddenly bullets pinged into a mailbox they were driving by. He turned to look over his shoulder and groaned as he saw both the car, now filled with three people, and the bike catching up to them. The bike was now being driven by one of the men that had previously been chasing him on foot. Apparently there wasn’t a lot of camaraderie between Dick’s people.

“You might wanna return fire on them, I don’t know if I can shake them,” Ryan shouted over his shoulder.

“I lost my gun.”

Ryan nodded. “Shoulder holster!”

Gavin leaned forwards to unzip Ryan’s leather jacket, reaching in to draw one of his guns. He flipped off the safety and tried to turn and take aim, but his position was less than optimal and with the fast ride it was nearly impossible for him to get in a good shot.

“Bollocks!”

“What’s wrong?” Ryan shouted, agitated.

“I can’t aim properly, I’d have to- hold on,” Gavin replied and slid his body towards the side of the bike, pushing on the underside of Ryan’s right elbow. “Lean left and lift your arm for a bit!”

Ryan complied without question and Gavin quickly slung his right leg around and onto Ryan’s lap, ducking his upper body beneath the lifted arm. Ryan caught on to his plan and moved his arm around Gavin’s back, swinging him fully onto his lap with one strong pull. Gavin wrapped his legs around Ryan’s waist to secure himself in place.

“Perfect,” he grinned at Ryan, who took his gaze off of the street for a second to look at Gavin, eyes scrunching up in what Gavin could swear was an answering smirk.

Gavin pulled the second gun out of Ryan’s jacket, then leaned over his right shoulder and opened fire. From his new position it was laughably easy to aim and take out the other crew’s members. He trusted Ryan’s driving completely, so he had a distinct advantage towards the other bike driver, whose front tire he blew out within seconds, watching as the bike flipped over and threw its driver onto the street.

The car swerved away from the bike to avoid a collision and Gavin took his chance as the driver tried to regain control, shattering the windshield and aiming for the driver’s chest. He blew out their front tires for good measure and watched in satisfaction as the car swerved to the right and off the road.

He leaned back to grin at Ryan, careful not to obstruct his view of the street too much.

“Alright, we’re clear. Take us to the garage.”

Ryan nodded and sped up a bit, Gavin leaning forward again to wrap one arm around Ryan’s back. He pressed a light kiss to one masked temple and swore he heard Ryan give a low huff of laughter as the wind whipped at his face.

 

\-----

  

“You’ve gotta be fucking shitting me,” Michael blurted out as the four of them, leaning up against the Roosevelt, witnessed Ryan and Gavin pull up. Gavin was practically wrapped around Ryan’s torso.

Geoff doubled over in laughter as Gavin gave them his brightest grin, neither he nor Ryan making any move to get off the bike.

“What happened? Why the fuck would you go off comm when you’ve just run straight into a firefight?” Jack inquired.

“Well,” Gavin began as he flipped the safety back on Ryan’s guns and returned them to the other's shoulder holsters, “I didn’t exactly plan on this one dude punching the power right out of my earpiece.” He took off his sunglasses and for the first time Ryan noticed the beginnings of a bruise on the side of his face. He raised a gloved hand to gently turn Gavin’s face and inspect the purpling skin, ignoring Ray shaking his head off to the side and whispering, “So homo.”

“Ryan,” Geoff had finally calmed down, “I assume you’ve got the goods?”

“Yep,” he pulled a small drive out of his jacket and handed it over. “I didn’t have much time to look but from what I’ve seen there should be several things on there we can use.”

“Oh! I picked something up as well,” Gavin remembered and started rummaging around his pockets while Ryan frowned at him.

“I thought the basement was empty?”

Gavin waved him off, pulling the tiny bottle of whiskey from his pocket and proudly presenting it to Geoff with a cheeky grin to a chorus of snorts.

Geoff laughed brightly, then leaned over to ruffle Gavin’s hair. “Never change, kid.”

A silence spread between the men, all of them basking in the glow of a heist well done.

Michael lasted a few seconds before he burst. “Do you plan on climbing off of his dick any fucking time today or what?”

Ray snickered as Gavin appeared to realize the position he was still in and quickly scooted back towards the bike’s handles.

“Oh! Oh, sorry, Ryan, I’ll just-” he made to slide off the bike but was stopped by Ryan slinging two fingers through his belt loops and pulling him back onto his lap.

“Oh no, you don’t,” he started the bike’s engine and turned towards four pairs of raised eyebrows. “This one’s mine now. Gentlemen.”

With a two-fingered salute, he revved the bike and drove off, a blushing Gavin clinging to him once more as they heard Geoff completely losing it behind them.

 


End file.
